It's like Larry King, but with F-bombs

For most of the first 10 years of USA Today, Larry King of all people had a weekly column on Monday mornings that were for the most part just a list of shit he was thinking – no transitions, mostly non sequitors, and some quite bizarre (his argument that you should be able to see the bottom of a cup of coffee fucked me up for years – that God I managed to get over that one). In the spirit of Larry and in honor of USA Today’s 25th anniversary, I offer the following random series of observations:

--there are a number of websites devoted to waiters bitching about crappy customers but none devoted to customers bitching about crappy waiters.
--speaking of waiters, if you’re too cool to have a note pad to write my order down, and I order my salad without onions, it’s your fucking fault if there are onions on it.
--and don’t carry my wife’s wineglass by anything other than the stem.
--I can’t wait for the iPhone. My days with Verizon are numbered.
--I drive a Cadillac. Who would have thought.
--the acceptance speeches at the Tonys are the worst.
--I’m glad I’m not going up against Spring Awakening for anything.
--My wife and daughter are now officially in the U.K. for the next 12 days. Let the Bruce Willis film festival commence. First up: The Last Boy Scout.
--My tickets to see Rush in Kansas City came on Friday. I’m now a member of the 11 timers club.
--Sorry Cavs.
--My mother and step-father and aunt and uncle are also in England. How the fuck did I mess up so badly?
--Steak dinners 11 nights in a row? Bet on it.
--Other than Spring Awakening, this year’s Broadway musicals suck.
--I’m going to watch the Sopranos season finale as soon as the Tonys are over. Don’t spoil it for me.
--I saw Ocean’s 13 yesterday. Don’t bother.